I used to beg to God to make me busy. So, I don't get hit by negative thought and stuff. I used to think that being busy is the key of your thoughtful mind. If you're busy enough to think about other stuffs you may don't have time to think about those negative stuffs. But here I am, drowning in a world full of negativity. I guess all of my theory was wrong after all. It's not your activity but its how bad you want to stop thinking about negative stuff that will stop you think about it.
Frankly, I feel ashamed. These lack of self esteem and haters had changed me. A few days ago my friends told me that I was the most positive girls she'd ever met. And that words keep echoing in my head until now. I know I'm not. I used to be so positive but now I'm not that girl anymore. I want to blame the world. But how can I blame the world while everything it has ever done was just providing me with good stuff and better life??
What had I done wrong to deserve these? A lot. I know.
But..........its just not so fair. I've tried to be a better person, why did karma has to hit me this bad? why can't I let go this furious anger inside me? Why can't I be free of hatred? I know its my choice to make a peace with myself and accept who I really am. But............you know...its like deep inside you know that you can get more than this, you know you deserve better, but because of someone..or some people...you cant make it? Wouldn't it wake the anger in you? Because it already did mine.
Let me hang another hope in the sky of hope. I want to enjoy myself again. Like I used to.
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