NEVER PROMISE TO ADORE ME FOREVER

everybody's sweet when they're in love, but when something bad happens, they're gonna show their true colors.

I used to keep that words in this busy mind of mine for the last couple years. Since my first relationship didn't go so well, I always keep that in my fuckin mind, in order to protect myself from getting hurt. You know, bad stuff happens and people changed. That's one of my reasons for not believing a long-term relationship. As I already said before, people changed. And sometimes they change into someone we least wanted them to be. But they keep on changing and seemed like whatever we do is simply not enough for them to stop changing. I hate it to stay on a place I don't recognize anymore. That's why I stop myself from putting my believes to people for too much and being realistic yet skeptical. And from I can feel, this method of mine works really well. I don't get hurt, I move on fast, I still be friends with lot of people...just by not letting yourself expect too high. I'm not heartless, still sensitive and such a crybaby person you may say. But I built wall for my feelings, since it's easy to get hurt.

But suddenly....everything...for no apparent reason started to fall apart..

Why does is even happen?

I think I've been asleep for forever. This isn't myself. I don't recognize this person anymore. I don't recognize me.

Can we stop this now? Get back to normal?

I'm in a deep-shit. I changed myself. For a person I shouldn't trust. And it just costed me for too much that I finally reach my turning point because I simply can't bear it anymore.Why do bad relationship has to happen? Why can't people be all flowery and joyful and loving each other without letting them get hurt?

Why am I doing???????????

Who am I fooling?????????????

What can I do to stop this?????????

HELP PEOPLE

S.O.S

I really don't know what I can do to find myself again.. but I believe, my true self is lying there somewhere inside of me. And if I go deeper, search more, keep my faith, and pray.....I will find her.

If it's not now, then someday.

If it's not someday, perhaps in one of those other days.

But I will find her again. I FREAKIN' WILL.

And by the time I find her, I will never let her go off my watch again. I'll let her build her wall again for me. Never again..

btw, here are my medschool friends : )