just don't ruin my presence happiness.

Where do I go from here?

I mean college is a great experience that changed me for life. But it also crippled my perfect little world I had before it. Am I happy to know how much more life has to offer? Was it all worth it? Most of all though, is there any way I can keep the best of both worlds? I have no idea whether I actually had happiness as good as it gets, or whether I will ever come close again to having what I had. And I will never know the answers to those questions til I’m dead. This is my biggest fear. Now everything I have is at risk, and I don’t know what do. My heart can barely take it. Every decision could be a mistake, but not doing anything is also a decision and could very well be a mistake. It’s like I’m stuck in a state of paralysis pleading for someone wise to just tell me what to do so I can be free and alive again, because lately I can’t say I’ve truly been living.

Overall, where do we really go from here? I’ve never been so conflicted, indecisive, and clueless in my life.

You know, I still can't get on with the word 'college' pretty well. In my mind, I still think about myself as a student. A high school student. Deep inside, I just can't accept that I'm not that high school girl anymore. I ain't living that life anymore. I'm not living the high school world that my friends and I used to rule. But you know, I just can't stay like this forever. Life is too short to waste time reminiscing anything. Really, I hate being such a nasty dumbass by complaining like this. When I complain, it’s like saying I don’t believe that God is in control. I just need to be thankful that I've amazingly passed the high school years and be one step ahead to grasp my dream to be a Cardiothoracic Surgeon. The one that I've been dreaming on for the last two years.