SOLITARY VOYAGE

NEVER PROMISE TO ADORE ME FOREVER

2012-01-27T03:54:00.000-08:00

everybody's sweet when they're in love, but when something bad happens, they're gonna show their true colors.

I used to keep that words in this busy mind of mine for the last couple years. Since my first relationship didn't go so well, I always keep that in my fuckin mind, in order to protect myself from getting hurt. You know, bad stuff happens and people changed. That's one of my reasons for not believing a long-term relationship. As I already said before, people changed. And sometimes they change into someone we least wanted them to be. But they keep on changing and seemed like whatever we do is simply not enough for them to stop changing. I hate it to stay on a place I don't recognize anymore. That's why I stop myself from putting my believes to people for too much and being realistic yet skeptical. And from I can feel, this method of mine works really well. I don't get hurt, I move on fast, I still be friends with lot of people...just by not letting yourself expect too high. I'm not heartless, still sensitive and such a crybaby person you may say. But I built wall for my feelings, since it's easy to get hurt.

But suddenly....everything...for no apparent reason started to fall apart..

Why does is even happen?

I think I've been asleep for forever. This isn't myself. I don't recognize this person anymore. I don't recognize me.

Can we stop this now? Get back to normal?

I'm in a deep-shit. I changed myself. For a person I shouldn't trust. And it just costed me for too much that I finally reach my turning point because I simply can't bear it anymore.Why do bad relationship has to happen? Why can't people be all flowery and joyful and loving each other without letting them get hurt?

Why am I doing???????????

Who am I fooling?????????????

What can I do to stop this?????????

HELP PEOPLE

S.O.S

I really don't know what I can do to find myself again.. but I believe, my true self is lying there somewhere inside of me. And if I go deeper, search more, keep my faith, and pray.....I will find her.

If it's not now, then someday.

If it's not someday, perhaps in one of those other days.

But I will find her again. I FREAKIN' WILL.

And by the time I find her, I will never let her go off my watch again. I'll let her build her wall again for me. Never again..

btw, here are my medschool friends : )

from the past, with love

2011-12-30T05:55:00.000-08:00

i have always been grateful for her as long as i can remember :'

but then, this grateful and graceful part of me just gone. out of the sudden.

so, pls excuse my silent treatment and this nasty behaviour you thought i have. do me a tiny bit favor. why dont you ask yourself, "why did she change? "

have you ever stop your mind from blaming others and try to think about the slighest chance that maybe it's not them that has changed, maybe its you refusing their natural behaviour. maybe you asked for something they dont have, perfection.

and yet

she becomes him.

from now on, we're not going to be like we used to be. lets be us again, someday. when the time has shown you the real part of everything. when thse dark cloud of your has gone.

i used to take care of you and your feelings. but now i had enough.

farewell, m :'-)

2011-12-23T11:09:00.000-08:00

hi there, been wanting to post some extravagant sneek peek abt my busy life lately. but as my busy life keeps me busy, it's hard for me to even open a blog that doesnt have medical fact in there. i barely can use my laptop if its not for the usual-tuesday-and-friday medical discussion.

i hardly recognize myself. a lot has changed, and i just couldn't accept that.

you know, I'm not the study type. for my whole 18 years, I've never study at home, not until h-1 exam. i fall asleep whenever i read text book. i don't take notes from every day's subject. i chat all the time with people around me, and yes, teachers recognized me for that, they even tried to separate me with my friends, but they always end up surrounding me. sometimes, i don't even go to my class when the break time is already over. i ask a few friends of mine to accompany me to eat some snacks or just hangout in the canteen. and for some reasons, i thought teachers would like that way better. at least i wont bother them teaching.

the question is

if learning is not my thing

then

why did i choose

medical

school?

i dont know. i just happened want to be a doctor. and i love biology, even if i never say i hate math. and i still can handle chemistry well. the only problem i had is with physics but i don't think that will be such a barrier for my way to be a doctor.

im not one of those freaking nerdy geniuses who will study days and nights. not having an equivalent time for their mind to get refresh and search some fun instead of seek for answer. but i wont mind to learn about human, its bodies, the system of the human bodies which was so compli-fackin-cated. well, since that system has dramatically stolen my attention, i guess i'll make a little exception for my living pattern.

so, it came as a real shock when i realized that.....its not even an exception anymore. it has became me. I'm officially a medical school student. i study at night, i don't chat when the doctor's teaching, it makes me think a lot whenever i want to get out from my class just for a little fun, and the magical part is....i barely touch my laptop and its Internet connection. my laptop was my life. and now i barely touch it. i guess that i really have changed after all. or maybe, I've got a new life that more adventurous than $y old one

perhaps this new life of mine is good for me. perhaps i need to fill my head with more useful stuff. perhaps its time to change my habits, from hanging out everyday to filling my head with those good and useful stuff. from doing some tap tap dance everyday to take another step to the higher level day by day.

i hate it when people changed.

but sometimes

you need to sincerely let them change

to be better as they aged

and i believe

one day

we will understand

that change

is the one thing

you cannot avoid

you need to change

to seek for your true self. for your future.

too late but I still post it anyway

2011-12-03T20:24:00.000-08:00

This was a story of me on Monday, May 9 2011. My 18th birthday to be exact.

Frankly, I'm not a big fan of birthdays. Except the party. I'd love to attend people's party, not making one. I like to shower people with attention, not being the attention of the party. When I was in highschool, I got invitation almost every two weeks. And sometimes, two invitations for one week, in the different days, and even in the same day. I was so happy. With all the free food and dresses. The chit chat and night out and bunches photos I got tagged a few days after......I was extremely enjoying that moment. Even with my pop's prob that he rarely gives me permission to go out at night, I still feel the excitement of getting the invitation. I didn't attend every party because of my pop's prob. Only a few of them, when pop was in his best mood, when the time is possible, when mom's in town so she could help me do a little lie to pop, or when it was my best best friend's party.

That's why I didn't expect anything for my 18th birthday.

My family has no tradition to celebrate birthday. It came as a real shock when they came to my room and sang me happy birthday..with a guitar at 00.15 am in May 9. WOW. I mean...WOW. I've never felt so important for my family before. There was mom and pop, sisters, my aunt and uncle, and even my grandma. O MY HOLLY GOD. I just feel.........calm.

But I couldn't post the photos of that moment since I didn't wear my veil : p

Just photos of the cake

That day I wet to Inten in order to fulfill my education need to pass SNMPTN for faculty of medicine in University of Indonesia which was a total failure. So, let's just skip that failure stuff and jump to another. When I got to Inten, I searched for Des, my friend, and did a little chit chat with her. But suddely she asked me to go outside to do something. When I got outside I saw Yasmin, Aldo, Tommy, and Lulu coming with a cake, I couldn't help myself not to smile that time. So, I made a wish, blew off the candle, and took some picture. Out of nowhere Yasmin, Lulu, and Des asked me to go to yasmin's car to coll off their body, but what I didn't know was what they wanted to do next....

THEY PULLED OFF MY VEIL---MY NORMAL VEIL--- AND CHANGED IT INTO A RABBIT VEIL

O MY HOLLY GOD

WHY.

And they hide my normal veil and pulled me to Inten............they warned me to not struggle or they wouln't give my normal veil back...

omg...I get burst by shameful..

I was waiting in vein for the time to go home when they suddenly came and asked me another favor. TO GO ALL AROUND INTEN WITH THAT FREAKY RABBIT VEIL ON MY HEAD AND SHARE MY CAKE TO EVERYONE IN INTEN. inc the people I don't even know..

And pity me that some of the cake fell down so I had to clean the dirt floor. Can you just imagine? A rabbit head girl cleaning a floor full of people walking around to study? I couldn't be more embarrassed.

After the whole cleaning thing, Yasmin, Des, and Shata pulled me again to Yasmine's car. But this time, they close my eyes. I simply didn't know where we were heading to. I was afraid remembering what they did to me before. What if they asked me to walk around a mall with that freaky rabbit head of mine? NO. FREAKING. WAY.

As we finally arrived, I could feel the atmosphere of someplace I recognized. The fresh air, the street, and the barking dog.....I knew that it was Yasmin's house.

They asked me to walk to Yasmine's room..which kinda hard since my eyes were still closed. So I crawled

AND SO SWEET OF THEM! They gave me a chocolate and a piece of strawberry cake for my birthday cake.

And....the real surprise was.

make over................

They said they get bored by the way I dressed..while I was happily comfortable with that.

So they make over me. From this one..

Make over on progress

with Yasmin, host of the house

Photos of me after the makeover

And told me that there was another surprise for me..

VOILA! 4TH SUPRPRISE FROM MY AK ♥

Febby was trying my Rabbit Veil

We went to Pizza Hut in the end of the day : )

That day. was like the best day EVER.

All the ♥♥♥ for my ♥♥♥

just don't ruin my presence happiness.

2011-09-19T04:18:00.000-07:00

Where do I go from here?

I mean college is a great experience that changed me for life. But it also crippled my perfect little world I had before it. Am I happy to know how much more life has to offer? Was it all worth it? Most of all though, is there any way I can keep the best of both worlds? I have no idea whether I actually had happiness as good as it gets, or whether I will ever come close again to having what I had. And I will never know the answers to those questions til I’m dead. This is my biggest fear. Now everything I have is at risk, and I don’t know what do. My heart can barely take it. Every decision could be a mistake, but not doing anything is also a decision and could very well be a mistake. It’s like I’m stuck in a state of paralysis pleading for someone wise to just tell me what to do so I can be free and alive again, because lately I can’t say I’ve truly been living.

Overall, where do we really go from here? I’ve never been so conflicted, indecisive, and clueless in my life.

You know, I still can't get on with the word 'college' pretty well. In my mind, I still think about myself as a student. A high school student. Deep inside, I just can't accept that I'm not that high school girl anymore. I ain't living that life anymore. I'm not living the high school world that my friends and I used to rule. But you know, I just can't stay like this forever. Life is too short to waste time reminiscing anything. Really, I hate being such a nasty dumbass by complaining like this. When I complain, it’s like saying I don’t believe that God is in control. I just need to be thankful that I've amazingly passed the high school years and be one step ahead to grasp my dream to be a Cardiothoracic Surgeon. The one that I've been dreaming on for the last two years.

take my photo and fΔk the rest

2011-09-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

AH! Who doesn't love polaroid? I'm absolutely not one of them :p - Instax

Worst Photobox - Amazon World : Pacific Place

FAVE!! - Fun World

The So-In-Photobox - Iconia : Blitz Megaplex

☀ BEEN INLUV WITH THESE BOXES ☀

☀SO I TOOK A LOT PHOTOS OF MINE INSIDE ☀ DON'T BOTHER TO ASK WHY ☀ I JUST FEEL MORE CONFIDENT SEEING THIS UGLY FACE OF MINE IN THAT PHOTOS ☀ LESS SELF CONFIDENT LATELY ☀ IF THIS IS THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO INCREASE MY SELF CONFIDENT THEN I'LL DO IT ☀ AGAIN&AGAIN ☀ AND AGAIN ☀

post script.

they say you're lucky if you in love with your best friend. and here i am, falling for mine. its okay whether i'm lucky for falling with my best friend or not. but this one i'm pretty sure, i'm lucky for having someone deeply care abt my beings. have lost the feeling of being taken care by someone like this. but for some reason, i feel graciously grateful yet still cannot trust him the way i trust the others. i trust him as my best friend. but boyfriend? whoa whoa take it easy, ra. you've done bunches terrible stuff in the past. you've betrayed some people who cared abt you for too much. i know its just a past. but the past made you who you are now. i'm going to watch my step from now on.

all the luv!

don't make promises (you can't keep)

2011-07-21T20:56:00.001-07:00

Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in trash. Detention becomes suspension. Mobile phones were used in class. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and your mom was your hero? Race issues were who ran the fastest. The only drug you knew of was cough medicine. The most pain you felt was when you scraped your knees. Goodbyes were only until tomorrow. We couldn’t even wait to grow up..

Gee.. I miss that time. When everything used to be so easy and normal and the world was busy with others life and the way I never miss my nap time..

YOU GUYS ROCK! I MISS US, DON'T EVER CHANGE.

With this stuff, I'm in ........... &&

2011-06-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned to you guys how much I love an old-fashioned guy? Geez... I simply want them to be old-fashioned enough to flattered me and win my heart. And he has to be so cheesy but exciting at the same time. So gentle but fun enough to light up the air. Anyway, let me being corny for now. Just a little time in this midnight...

I Rule the School World.

2011-06-19T02:51:00.000-07:00

Done with final examination. So freaking done. Still couldn't believe I've done it. Not so perfectly but at least I've done it. I'VE DONE IT!!! Man...I'm overwhelmed by happiness and the relief feeling of freedom. Can't stop smiling here....

Anyway, it was also my friend --Nadhira Arifani-- 's birthday on the last day of national examination, April 21th. And Kartini Day at the same date. So we decided to make a fun of her abit on her birthday :-)

And our prank got us end up in Cimory, Puncak. Yasmine and Dhira gave us a very nice treat back then. We also went to Kebun Teh! So much fun for a day!

Cimory!

Kebun Teh!

I'm coming..home

2011-06-19T02:26:00.001-07:00

Hello fellas! I'm back! I couldn't say more sorry due this lack of post lately. I have bunch stuffs to tell that I don't know how to start. Well, you're so going to love my dozen next posts.

So here is my story..

I moved out from my old house in Johar Baru to Permata Hijau and then to Rawamangun. I was so excited about this moving out stuff. At first, everything was too much. Permata hijau was too far from school and inten and my mom's office. We simply couldn't bear the distance. That's why mom decided to move to Rawamangun.

We began the terribly tiring searching for the new house stuff from Central Jakarta to East Jakarta. From Percetakan Negara to Cempaka Putih. From Pulo Mas to Pulo Asem. Mom was too hasty because she simply hated the traffic on our way to Rawamangun every morning. She just wished for a new home. That has decent distance to work and her kids' school. I even dumped inten on weekend in order to join the searching of a new home with mom.

We..........sighed a lot. We almost give up and hire a driver instead when we finally found a very nice house in Rawamangun. That house..was perfect. Well, at least for us. It's not big but has plenty room. Enough for us to have one room for each person. And the location....GEE.. I really couldn't ask for more. I even got neighbor!! Plenty. Which were my friends from school. There are Des, Adis, Ale, Raenaldy, Yanisa, Amanu, andddddd many more hahaha I forget.

I just couldn't ask for more. My life is so happy here, with this new home and new stuff and new neighbor and and and happiness.

p.s : You guys are totally welcome to this new house of mine!! Like everyone : )

don't listen to me..

2011-04-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

"So, you failed."

"No, you don't get it."

"All right, you really failed. You failed, you failed, you failed. You think I care about that? I do understand. You're an artist, man. Your job is to break through barriers. Not accept blame and say: Thank you, I'm a loser, I'll go away now."

"I don't cry."

"You want to be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling. That's true greatness to me.."

God knows how much I love surprises

2011-04-16T04:14:00.000-07:00

Day-2 from National Examination and I really am not ready yet. Even after the 6 hours munching biology stuff in Inten, I still haven't got the whole point YET. Well, I supposed to study at this very exact hour remembering the fact that my biology teacher told me that I aint good at biology. But somehow I simply couldn't do it. So, I browsed some of my old photos instead and found these. These are how I express my love my friends. Yay, guys! I'm posting about you guys at this moment. You guys should thanking me. And I really should study. Perhaps half hour from now? We'll see..

Marsha Audzane's.
Sept. 27th 2010

Tapi Masniari Lubis's
Oct. 25th 2010

Karmila Syandhika Motik Adisuryo's.
Nov. 17th 2010

Risma Pertiwi's.
Jan. 24th 2011

Putri Maharani's.
Feb. 1st 2011

Muhammad Afdhal's.
Feb. 4th 2011

Febriena Amalia's.
Feb. 11th 2011

Bima Prasetya's.
Feb. 15th 2011

Sarah Rhamadhanti's.
March. 17th 2011

Yasmine Pratiwi
Apr. 6th 2011

And this one, my last year surprise. My kingdom made me a nice video. Igaku as a treat? I simply couldn't resist...

A Bowl of Luck is enough, for me

2011-04-12T03:54:00.000-07:00

“Do not waste the precious moments of this, your present reality, seeking to unveil all of life’s secrets. Those secrets are a secret for a reason. Grant your God the benefit of the doubt. Use your now moment for the Highest Purpose- the creation and the expression of who you really are. Decide who you are- who you want to be-and then do everything in your power to be that. It is not nearly so important how well a message is received as how well it is sent. You cannot take responsibility for how well another accepts your truth; you can only ensure how well it is communicated. And by how well, I don’t mean merely how clearly; I mean how lovingly, how compassionately, how sensitively, how courageously, and how completely. If you think your life is about doingness, you do not understand what you are about. Your soul doesn’t care what you do for a living-and when your life is over, neither will you. Your soul cares only about what you’re being while you’re doing whatever you’re doing. It is a state of beingness the soul is after, not a state of doingness.”

\/Neale D. Walsch

post.script : It's 6 days from my National Exam. 10 days from freeedom. Really need every luck I can have. Wish for me guys..Real Wish.

I Just Won't Wish I Could Forget

2011-04-09T22:27:00.000-07:00

So sorry that it took a very long time for me to post another post. And realizing how lame this post about, another sorry is waltzing to you guys. But truly, I still want to post about it. This event was so special, and it's so memorable that I believe I could tell it to my great-grand-daughter by the time I have one. This event called 'LAST RUN'. It's the event Labschool held every year for its senior students to run around Labschool just like the route we've always took for the last time. Well for you who still don't know, Labschool has a tradition for its students to do morning run every Friday morning in order to keep us healthy. So, that's one thing so special about Labschool that I'm so going to miss :'

Enough said, just take a zip of my excitement here ..

THIS IS ME! AS A PIRATE. I LOVE MY COSTUME SO MUCH! HOHO
Be a pirate was my childhood obsession, and since our last run theme was 'Childhood Dreams' I thought it would be great if I wear it for last run. Then, VOILA! Meet the pirate part of me.

This is Habibie, my pirates partner. He loves Jack Sparrow as much as I love it. He even made the eye patch by himself. I think it's great that we dressed up like a partner since we're best friends. He's one of my boys best friend, you know.

Meet my eleven-years-friends, Alim Syawali. If you're genius you'll recognize him from a few posts before. Yes, it's him. So, there's nothing so special about this photo. But I'm flattered about his costume. So here is the story :
Dhira, Risma, Bima, Danu, Afdhal, Iqbal, and I went to a place where we can borrow costumes. By the time we arrived there, I saw Fadzri, Irga, Auladi, Marco, Eja, Sarah, Ajeng, Monik, Dhita, and Alim was already there. That's how I met Alim before he got confused of those hundreds costumes. So, everyone had got their costumes, even I got my pirate sword I've been searching for, but Alim hadn't. So, I asked him to wear a snowman costume which I surprised he agreed. But then he changed his mind knowing the snowman costume didn't has the snowman head. I saw a Firaun costume, so I gave him the idea to dress up like Firaun. But he refused it, he had a bad thought about Firaun. He said Firaun isn't one of childhood dream. I kept persuaded him to wear that costume but there he was..kept refusing it. So, that's it then. I don't have a time for his perfection, I need to search for an eyepatch. So I left him there.
And the night that day, Alim greet me on bbm and guess what? He finally borrowed that costume and as you can see above, the costume looks good on him, huh? I've got a great eyes at outfit stuff :)

Adhis brought light saber. That's cool!

Guess who are they? Guess guess guess!! YAP! They are ONE PIECE! God, don't blame my over-excitement, blame my manga-lover side.

Look! Guess what? One of my friend named Dedy dressed up like Gaara! Oh my Gooood!! I just can't believe that! Gaara is like one of my favorite characters beside Edward Scissorhands. I was so surprised and excited :)))

It looks more like a costume party, don't you think so?

Started by letting bunches balloons fly away, doing last run which was not literally run because we just walking, chatting, and taking pictures. Some of us did performances, and we also played dodge ball. Okay, frankly this words just couldn't describe how much fun we had that day....

Yello! My currrrrrent love, 12 IPA 3. Mood-booster. Reason why I don't want to go home on holidays. Laughter maker. Where the boys talk louder than the girls. Where the we match some of us to others in order to make a new couple. Where the guys do soccer and the girls cheering at the tribune. Where one sad and get burst into laughter because our jokes are just too funny to be ignored. Where we used to be so sad about get separated on 12 grade but then turn out it didn't happen and we still have 12 IPA 3 as our class. Where farewell is what we hate the most.

Remember XD? My all time favorite class? The one where we used to hang out every weekend just for a glass of Starbuck's Caramel Frappucino and did gossips until midnight? And filled the entire cinema just for us since we've got a couple of lovebirds? And had a zip of ice cream while seeing the boys played billiard and golf? And danced and did some funny videotape of us making fun of each other? Yea, we did have a real time.

My Glorious GHANASARA. May the wonderful future leads our way up!

Hari Minggu di Pasar Minggu

2011-03-08T04:28:00.000-08:00

Just had my yearbook photo shoot at Salihara Theatre. The place was great, so did the photo shoot. There was Bima, Risma and Adrian in the same frame with me. Our class photo shoot theme was Labs Recital which made us dressed up formal. And somehow it's pretty relieving considering this is the kind of theme we'd always wanted for. This is how I dressed, and so sorry that I couldn't write you guys any further details about my photo shoot. I just glad it went smoothly. Enjoy : )

how to make me quite and I promise I'll never get bored ☃☃

2011-01-15T07:28:00.000-08:00

BEST SERIES EVER!!!! ♡♥

INDONESIAN's ☺MASTERPIECE

☀ MITCH ALBOM ☀

☁☁ DAN BROWN ☁☁☁

I randomly found these ::) ♣✿♣✿♣

Books are one of my very best friends, in my case. When I was little I used to hide in a bookstore every time I get mad to mommy. And now, I find it exciting to do that again.

==And I'm surprised he found me when I hide around those wonderful shelves where the magic were waiting to be discovered. He used to know me well. To well. And now I'm being left with nothing but a regret that I simply couldn't see how much his affection was. How much he was wanting to cherish me with every part of his heart. I feel sorry for myself. I was too blind by the perfection. I was blind by rejection. I was too blind by envious. I know there's no way for us to be together again. But frankly, the fact that he's still care about me and my school stuff and my future, gave me a slight relieves. Merci, Cher :')

✿May we meet in another part of living✿

**Just so you know, I read the the original version (English one) of almost every of these magical books. So, please don't get disappointed if you read the Indonesia's version and it wasn't as good as you expected.
next on : BOOKSTORE MADNESS

Laid-back Doer

2011-01-11T05:14:00.000-08:00

Laid-back Doers are friendly, happy persons. They enjoy being together with other people. Smart, eloquent, witty and charming, they like to be the centre of attraction. They do not like to be alone. Their zest for life ensures that others feel well in their company and that they quickly get to know people. Laid-back Doers get the best out of every moment - many people of this type have a gift for making their whole life one big party. Boredom is unknown in their presence because they are very good at carrying others away with their enthusiasm, their good mood and their optimism.

Abstract thinking and profound philosophising about the meaning of life appeal less to Laid-back Doers. They are pragmatic, realistic and live completely in the here and now. At work too, they prefer it when it’s all go and they can act out their purposeful manner to the full. They have no problem handling several tasks at once and they blossom out in crisis situations! A varied field of activity with a lot of social contacts is just the right thing for them. One will also seldom find them inactive in their spare time; due to their open, curious nature, they mostly have many hobbies and interests. They are not afraid of the unknown: as they are flexible and creative, they quickly adjust to new situations and make the best of them. They sometimes come into conflict with strict rules or hierarchies by which they quickly feel constrained and against which they rebel.

The Laid-back Doer is an extroverted Doer. You don’t enjoy being alone, but are a typical team worker instead. You would not stand working all by yourself. Dealing with other people, communicating as well as a friendly, collegial atmosphere is more important for you than for most of the other types. You love being part of a group where variety and the new are inspirational and exciting - so there are never enough social contacts.

For you, harmony is of central importance. You prefer a work environment without intrigues and political manipulation and where less elbow activities and confrontation, and more cooperation are the order of the day. Here is one of your major strengths: You are prepared to do a lot, mediate conflicts, reduce tensions, and are in top form when you are part of a positive working climate. To spread geniality and make peace among the worst troublemakers is often easy for you. Consequently, you are appreciated by colleagues and superiors, and have almost no problem getting along with the diverse people in your working environment.

Rather than too much routine and predictability, you need variety, and a certain amount of unpredictability as a part of your responsibilities at work. Your flexibility makes it easy for you to deal with several projects simultaneously. It does not bother you if the phone rings and somebody sticks his head through the door while you are in the middle of preparing a report. You juggle several activities synchronistically without a problem, and during your contacts with others you always remain friendly and obliging. It is a long time before one hears a cross word or any sign of excessive demand out of you.On the contrary, these situations are the icing on the cake for you, and without them your work is going to get boring in a hurry.

Then it can happen that you - wittingly or unwittingly- provoke a crisis by putting things off or becoming lackadaisical. In this way, you are trying to create a little more action during your daily routine. In the long run, you just can’t live without a certain amount of pressure, challenge, and excitement. There is certainly the possibility that these maneuvers occasionally backfire. Therefore, it is very important for you to make sure that adventure, fun, and the need for fast decisions are an integral part of your job description from the very beginning. The more unpredictable situations, alternatives for choice, and new impressions you have to face every day, the better.

As friends, Laid-back Doers are generous, helpful persons who attach great importance to harmonious relationships and a good atmosphere. Their sociable manner means that they have a large circle of friends and they love having the house full of many different types of guests. They are happy to give in to their spontaneous moods and fancies in the just one or two important things. This makes them appear somewhat unpredictable to those with a quieter nature. When it really matters, you can rely on them one hundred percent. As partners, they are creative, impetuous and imaginative - as long as their partner knows how to fascinate them. They can hardly stand boredom or routine in a relationship. They do not like conflicts at all; if a relationship becomes too strenuous or involves too much effort, they tend to withdraw from the partnership and start to look for a new partner. However, if one manages to keep their curiosity alive in the long term and surprise them again and again, one has a loyal and loving partner.

Your type’s trademark is “easygoing.” That applies to love just as to the rest of your life. For you, it is important that your partnership is a source of fun, excitement and inspiration. With a sentence like: “I think it is time for us to be working on our relationship again”, you can be chased out of the house in a hurry. You want to enjoy and not strain yourself, preferably with a partner who feels exactly the same way - someone who is as similar as possible, and with whom you have the least sources of friction.

Your disposition is warm, generous, and passionate. No wonder many people fall hopelessly in love with your charisma! Contrary to some other Doers, you have no problem expressing your feelings verbally, as well. Vivacious as you are, you are also capable of falling in love head over heels, with an unrivaled intensity. Whoever becomes the object of your love is showered with attention, declarations of love, and tenderness. You are not fond of boundaries, and your affection for someone is boundless and boisterous - as long as it lasts - because (and that is the flipside of the coin) only very few types manage to fascinate you and keep your interest in the long term.

For you, there always has to be a little of the “magic,” a little of the enchantment of your relationship’s beginning. Otherwise, you quickly get bored and begin looking for a new challenge. Literature describes you as the type who is most likely to flirt with an affair if the titillation of love is not fresh any longer. Consequently, your partner is well advised to accept your passionate protestations about your eternal love with a certain skepticism: Even if you know that everything is going to stay that way for the rest of your life, for people of your type “forever” is better interpreted as “for now.” However, as long as you are happy with him/her your partner can literally bathe in your love and will in all likelihood have problems catching his/her breath, sexually as well. Your charisma and tendency for being extravagant turn you into an almost irresistible seducer.

Adjectives which describe your type: extroverted, practical, emotional, spontaneous, enthusiastic, friendly, playful, lively, talkative, nonchalant, tolerant, happy, pleasant, generous, flexible, wily, attractive, relationship-oriented, generous, adventurous, fun-loving, creative, helpful, action-loving, casual, sociable, open, sensitive, touchy, erratic, curious, noncommittal, action-loving

-------------------------hellyea this is so me.

p.s : so sory that I forget the link of this test:(

Take a Little Peek

2010-12-27T20:14:00.000-08:00

I can't love water more. This beautiful blueish water is just beyond perfect imagination of mine. That's why it comes as a real shock to find out that I no longer a big fan of swimming. But, I'd love to go to the beach for my NYE. Welcome, 2011☺

2010-12-04T06:02:00.000-08:00

"It's not enough to believe! Don't you see that, you stupid girl? You could spend your whole life hoping and believing! If a love affair is one-sided, then it's only ever a question, never an answer. You can't live your life waiting for an answer."------------------------------------------------

I'm an old-fashioned. I like romance. And I like it on its old-fashioned way. I enjoy imagining my future life.

The fiance --the love of my future life, the proposal --the surprising-get-down-on-a-knee stuff, the wedding --where the amusing 'til-death-do-us-apart begins, the honeymoon --which gonna be a total excitement, the home --"Hey baby, I'm home and been missing you all day!", the kids --the reason of my splitted-bank accounts, the fighting --the question of our marriage, the dry tears --"I want you perfectly like the way you used to be", the desperate times --the idea of me being a bad mommy, the silver marriage --another first kiss, the old ages --remembering the old times, the cemetery --"Hellyea, death really do us apart"

Endlessly Painful

2010-11-28T02:13:00.000-08:00

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel?

Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

Jim Morrison

2010-11-14T03:54:00.000-08:00

K : Does it hurt?
S : Yeah
K : Where does it hurt?
S : Everywhere
K : Maybe it's hurt for a reason.

Let's go home.

is it even normal?

2010-11-13T02:14:00.000-08:00

Bunch school stuffs around me lately. That freaking stuff keep bugging me like I'm gonna run away from them. Which was true, if only I could, I'll disappear and never coming back to where I was. But reality bites. There's nothing such disappear and never coming back. We have to face the fact and bite it back.

Of all the crap, crap, crappy years I've ever had in the whole of my crappy life. on a scale of 1 to 10, this year...I could scale it on minus 9. YES. -9. From 1 to 10 it's -9. For the fate-writer's sake. Let me out from this year. It's not like I even have very high standards. But this year was too crappy for me to living it right.

Perhaps, if I behave as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe it will be... I'm good at pretending. Most of the time I can pretend to enjoy everything. I was pretty fine with that stuff. But at this precise moment in time I'm totally fed up with that. I've had more than enough. They're trying to change me into someone else. To a whole different person of me. And I'm afraid I couldn't bear them. All the joy get sucked out of me and left me pounding and wanting something I cannot have and even forbid me to have a little imagination about it.

Despite of thinking about the pain and sorrow and stuff, I keep eating and eating like a huge bear starving for something he couldn't find and end up eating everything he could see. So, stop asking me reason of my weight-gained, or why do you always see me chewing something. I blame the Universe for making me gone wild.

Can I get closer to you?

2010-11-12T23:49:00.000-08:00

Can I get closer to you? If you don’t mind, my hands are cold. Perhaps you could hold them while I take a walk. Oh wait, then you’ll have to come along too. We could watch the autumn leaves fall.

It’s winter. Perfect cuddle weather. So why don’t you come on over in your pjs, and we could chill by the fireplace, under a blanket, watching a movie. No need to get all dressed up, because we’ll be staying in tonight.

Nobody should spend the holidays alone. We could stroll through the park, have a snowball fight, or ice skate. Whatever you like. Have a dinner, meet the parents. Mhm, we could decorate a tree. Would you be willing to help me hang this mistletoe up?

Can I get closer to you? I can’t guarantee you that I will show you what love is. There will be hurdles to jump over. It’s ok, because we’d be in it together. I have on intention to hurt you. But i promise you that I’ll treat you right. I’m not perfect, but I have these arms to hold you with, these ears to listen, these shoulders to cry on, and so much more. We could take it slow; that’s alright. Just give me a chance. Give us a chance. What do you have to lose?

2010-09-18T08:20:00.000-07:00

So, I was like drawn into boredom when I found this bloody thrilling video. I never get bored of stop motion. And somehow, this one really won't fail anyone. You really should give a peek by yourself! It made by PES. And who is PES? I have no idea. Pardon me, but looks like PES is a stopmotion maker. A production or whatever the kind of stuff I won't ever understand. Just Enjoy!

Marvollous isn't it? I bet you positively agree with me!

I'm gonna treat you so nice, you're never gonna let me go.

2010-09-15T02:44:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine used to asked me this thing ~~

f : "Why did you bother to care so much about the others?"
m : "I don't know."
f : "Don't you have your own problems?"
m : "Well, I have. But I'm not the kind of person who will mourning about how unfair life is. By the way, why did you even bother to care about me? Don't you have your own problem?"
f : "I do have. I just so curious. Why thinking so much about the others while your own hasn't finished?"
m : "I've told you. I don't know. Perhaps, I simply don't want them to having heart break and not having someone to talk to. I don't want them to crying over their life. I don't think I can help them much, but at least I'm trying to get them out from their horrible mind illusion of being lonely."

........................................

f : "And what about you? Is there anyone out in this world that think about yours?"
m : "Of course!"
f : "And who is that?"
m : ".......YOU....."

Thank. You :')

She's eternally graceful☺☺

2010-09-07T20:53:00.000-07:00

" Dear Claire,

'What' and 'If' are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together, side by side, and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. What if? What if? What if?
I don't know how your story ended, but if you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like, a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oveans for, but I'd like to believe, if I ever were to feel it, that I'd have the courage to seize it.
And, Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will.

All my love,

Juliet"

One day in 2010.

2010-09-05T02:26:00.000-07:00

Have ever feel so belonged to something? That you couldn't even believe this such feelings existed? And all you wanna do was simply feeling grateful and enjoying every moment that passed you by? And by the time you knew that every thing, even the very good one, would sadly came to an end, you just smiled and did nothing. But thanking for everything happened.

I've got that feelings once. The time when I stepped my feet into this glorious high school, Labschool. It has been more than 2 years. And much things had happened.
I've passed the moment when I felt so damn miserable, bloody gloomy, that times I cursed a lot... God knows how much I've cursed him and my horrifying life. But hard times had taught me bunch of important lessons.
I've done with the transition part, when I asked Him about the whole point of my life, the useless thought about unfair life, so much tears has fallen. God knows how much tears I cried in order to chase happiness.
And now I'm trying. Awkwardly trying. To forget all that jerky-yet-bitchy side of me. I'm making my own happiness instead of seeking it. Bad things happened, but so does good things. Enjoy the good things, catch your lesson on every bad things. Voile. Perfect life.

And this one is another reason for me to be happy. Another reason why I don't want to be senior and graduate from high school.

From the love birds

until the painful-butstill-playful surprise.

From the embarrassed smile,

until the cannot be hidden laughter.

From the pointless fun,

until the well-prepared event.

as the very best part of mine has been so lovely for the last year,

I'm afraid an ending is seeking on us.
And no matter how hard I try to run away, time will always be waiting in the end of our journey. Be prepared, my friends. In 8 months, everything could be happened. Grab your spirit and Go get your future :)

let me get what I want

2010-08-08T05:41:00.000-07:00

Gaining trust is as hard as cracking a nut

2010-08-06T23:43:00.000-07:00

OH, Great.
I fell again. Fell into your trap. Fell into every body's trap. Fell into the darkness.
THANKS for making me suffered this bad, Applause.
I thought you said that my heart would never decide wrong. I thought you were the one who would treat it right by putting a bandage on it. I thought I thought I thought....

oh wait, all my thought were wrong from the very very beginning
And you simply didn't do anything to make it right again, but saying sorry.
Let me tell you something,
Saying sorry won't fix nor change everything between us. Saying sorry will never heal this broken part of mine. Saying sorry will only remind me about the mistake I've made by trusting you.

I feel terribly sorry for myself, for the way I get tricked by your idea of making me insane. They say, NEVER JUDGE A BOOK by ITS COVER. And now, I guess they're right. 100% RIGHT. No one's gonna believe me when I said you did this to me, considering your angelic face. Uyea, truth hurts.
What can I do now? Scolding you won't fix my heart and the way I miss you used to be. Just like blowing us up won't make you even comfier. Everything will get freakier and crazier from now. You gotta trust me this time, because I'm good at prediction thingy.

I miss being in love with someone who loves me back. I wish you knew how hard it is to fill this emptiness after you broke my heart. I wish you believed in karma. Because inside, my curses were all yours, mi amigo. I wish you at least explained to me..what had I done wrong?

Well, a little hello will always end up with a little goodbye. At least I've got my fun even though deep inside I still regretting my choice.

And for you, please stop acting like we're totally okay with these whole creepy things, because I'm not. But you wouldn't consider my feelings, would you? I'm mad for now, but I knew, hearing your voice would have changed my mind, And I don't want that to be happened. Enough of your shits. You thought that every single day it wasn't a goddamn marathon of my life without you? ZONK. Total wrong.
Ha ha, you may thought it was just breaking my fucking heart. But trust me, one day the same exact incident's gonna happen to you. And by the time your heart get tormented, I'll be waving my hand and continuing my life ahead.

AU REVOIR, mi Amigo.

Can't Stop Whining :'

2010-07-15T06:11:00.000-07:00

When I was a child, I've dreamt so much about being an adult. Being a Chef, owning my own restaurant, marrying my perfect fiance, having my wonderful children, growing old, never get divorced, being happy, those kind of stuff every little girl has on their tiny little world with their huge imagination without knowing how hard the Adult World could be. Well, I used to be so optimist, catching the adrenaline, rushing everything, and cheering everyone up. Without realizing I'm getting farther and farther away from my own dreams.

As I grow up, I've learnt that even though we tried and did our very very best, the lucky one will come to the stage. Pretty Depressing, isn't it? I'd rather bury myself alive. I'm so out of this whole crap. Please, let me out. Open the fvcking door and simply let me in to the marvelous life everybody has been dreaming on. But is that life even exist? I don't think so. Dammit. I hate being alive. You guys should shake my hand for surviving this far.

I don't put too much expectations for my future, yes I don't. I'm so done with someone..or should I say something, lifting me up and then pushing me back to the ground. Without giving any shits for all the things I've done, for everything, for my effing hard work. Do I even need to mention everything??
All I want is just living a normal happy life. And never get hurt. Is that too much for me to ask? Blame my over sized imagination then.

Dear God, will You punish me for being a bad person? I hope You won't, because this life itself has been a tough punishment for me. Stop writing a bad fate for me and please please please let me get what I want. I'm extremely scared of my future. I'm afraid of failure. Sticking a deep pain into mom's heart. Putting an awful disgrace into family's reputation. And the most terrifying reason is, face the fact that after all the whole pains and miseries and sacrifices, my efforts are gonna be a total useless. Zero. An enormous hole. ZONK you may say. Do I even ready to face that fact? Dammit. Life's suck.

Pardon me for swearing too much. I just get depressed way too easy these days. I don't even know which way I'm heading to. Too much choices, lack of ability. And now every single day of my life is a goddamn marathon while the problem with time is still hanging on there. Yeah, time always runs out, without any warning. I'll repeat. WITHOUT ANY WARNING.
Life comes out with no guarantees, no time outs, and no second chances. You did it and wished for a return. Not a bit. My body's predicting some even that have yet to happen, and I could imagined how serious it would be if I stayed like this. I can't speak a word.

Why is it always like this? Always the same, fun and laughter followed by anger and tears. Does pleasure always have to be pay with pain?

WHAT DO I WANT?
CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT DO I WANT?
WHAT DO I WANT TO BE?
WHAT DO I WANT FOR MY FUTURE?
WHAT IS THE BEST FOR ME and MY FUTURE and EVERYTHING?
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT
IF IF IF IF
WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF........................
........................................

**please someone help me answer it, very nice of you my dear :')

Aries ♥ Taurus

2010-06-29T17:59:00.000-07:00

#Taurus- #Aries : Aries may question the introverted Taurus’ ways even when they are enjoying time together. Aries might convince a Taurus to open up to a social world full of life and surprises. In doing so, have the Taurus expose his/her loves and passions such as for art, music, outdoors or even a simple hobby. The Aries should not push the Taurus too hard to leave their comfort zone or assert any decisions. Taurus will not tolerate this if he/she feels too much of a push for change. But the Taurus may listen and open up if Aries gives a sensible approach. Both have a lot to teach each other if they are willing and approached in the right manner with a delicate balance of sensitivity and respect. For the Taurus can also help Aries see the negative consequence of his/her rash and impulsive behaviors. And again sensitivity is needed here because the one thing an Aries hates is being told they’re wrong or misguided.

#Aries - #Taurus: When analyzing the contrasting natures of Aries and Taurus, it is important to know that ones strength will be considered the others weakness. At first one may conclude that blending the two natures would serve both Aries and Taurus well, but this has its drawbacks. For one, both are set strong in their ways and have learned to live and succeed, which only reinforces their behaviors making them harder to break. To blend would be to change and both are not apt to change any time soon. It feels that a blending would denature the very diversity of Aries and Taurus. If both are to get along they must fully understand each other and not force unwanted change. Besides, both bring valuable tools to the table of life.

other Zodiacs!

2010-06-19T01:01:00.001-07:00

some days, are better than others

2010-06-18T18:05:00.000-07:00

Do I remember those days of my struggle? When every easy things turned into the hard one. When I get overwhelmed by hopeless and sadness. I don't even believe those days exist. I don't mean to get swelled head or something. It's just... everything is so perfect now. I'm totally falling. In a good way. I can't believe I've got this kind of happiness, I can't believe I deserve this. I mean, after all those devilish disguise I'd done, do I still deserve this? As a payback?
I'm a bad person, and everybody know that.
I'm afraid I'll get cursed or something worse in the end.
I'm afraid there's an invisible suffer in front of me. But I'm too happy to see that.
Well, I hope everything will be just as fine as it is now.
Te Amo, Mi Amigo

*bythway, I'm learning to cook now. Yesterday I made chiken sandwich for him and I really am glad he liked it. Gonna do another cook next time. Probably, I'll fill this holiday with food, the homemade one. Wish for my luck :)

can I call your name twice?

2010-06-12T20:44:00.000-07:00

This is way too beautiful. The Universe is beautiful. And I'm way too easy too in love. Or you guys are way too easy to know how to make me falling. This is lovable and I can't let all of this marvellous happiness pass me by. True friends are very rare, most of us even haven't find it yet. That's the thing i feel thankful the most from my life. Perhaps, I'm one of those lucky people who has got their truly one. As I grow up, I learn that even the person that wasn't suppose to hurt me, probably will. And yes, I'm pretty much scared of that fact. But all these years, they have proven that they aren't the one who will hurt me. That's the story why I believe them.

I feel so much tired with unfaithfulness and betrayal. There's once of my life, when everything was so out of control and I can't do anything to make it right again except waiting and let it find its right way. And see? Everything got back to normal, or I can even say.... better. My life is perfect now. For now. I don't know what will gonna happen for the next 2 months, a week, half day, 45 minutes, or even 20 seconds. But hey, why should I give any shit? Enjoying my nowa-perfect life is fine. And it won't hurt. So, I enjoy it.

Someone asked me on my formspring, how could I be that happy? Well, they say, life is hard. So, why should I make it harder? As hard as climbing the mountain or as easy as flowing the river, its all up to you. And sometimes, you can be careless enough to turn your fine life into the fed up one. Watch out people, your destiny on your own hands.

I don't wanna be unhappy. Even if I am unhappy, I don't wanna feel the horrible feeling of unhappiness. I'll do anything to be happy again and ignoring the suffer. Once you feel that suffer, you will got nothing but wasting your limited time. With suffer. You'll think its nightmare. Just a fucking terrifying nightmare, You'll want to wake up so hard. Hoping by waking up, this would all go away. You'll try to close your eyes, and you'll pinch your self really hard. Bit it simply won't work. You'll the urgent feeling of wanna die. You may travel here and you travel there, trying to get out from under the cloud, and nothing works, without realising the fact that you've been carrying the weather around with you.

I don't wanna be like that. I'll make my own happiness, from people around me :)

And, talking about happiness. Yet, my bf has brought me too much, too much happiness. And for the record, from 13 months until a months ago, I still think that I'm the one that getting crazy over him. But knowing the fact that it isn't, I feel a slight relieved creeping over my body, warming my tiny little heart, and whispering the melody in order to calm myself down.

Well, we do the fight. Who doesn't? But the fight make our relationship even merrier. I want this last forever. I don't want you to change. Not for me.

Te Amo, Mi Amigo

2010-05-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

It finally came true. He is finally mine. I finally can take a real deep breath. Everything is finally getting better. The Universe finally brought me up. I finally know that it's all worth to wait.

2005 was a great year of mine
So Does I Wish for 2010.
I'm whispering you the 3 words 8 letters 1 sentence, darling.

Labs Project 2010 has proven our glorious Ghanasara Jagaddipa

2010-05-14T19:41:00.000-07:00

After our struggle for like 365 days (if I'm not mistaken), LABS PROJECT 2010 Future Vision had going well. Really well. Super well. Fantastically well. Me myself can't even believe my eyes when I saw those 8000 audiences. I've got the urgent need to cry indeed. It's Labs Project, our Labs Project. You may say I'm overwhelming, but you really need to try on my position before saying something like that. I can't say any words anymore. Just take a zip on these moment they captured.

The Stage, The Crowd

The Banery

Superglad

Goodnight Electric

The Trees And The Wild

Maliq and D'Essential

Naif

Mi Danzatrice 07

Diva

Sponsorship and Media Partner

Labs Project Crew
Ghanasara Jagaddipa

May God saves this wonderful moment on each of our heads :)

**p.s : these whole photos had taken by Andre Reksa, Bila Renjani, Nadia Achmalia, Talitha Dian, and Tommy Anugrah

Another Ending of Mine

2010-03-31T04:32:00.001-07:00

He has gone for 10 days. And I'd like to keep myself busy. At least until he comes back. Or forever if possible. I want to make myself busy for forever. For ever. I mean it. I don't wanna look up behind and find out that eveything isn't as okay as it seems. I just want to close my eyes and pretend that everything is perfectly fine.

I kinda wondering..perhaps it'll be better if you move your ass out into another country, or at least another school so that we won't ever be able to meet again and it won't be so hard to moving on from you. They say all my talks about moving on is a whole bullshit. Well maybe it is bullshit. But, what they don't know is....you are on my head already. No matter how hard I try to stop this fuckin head from thinking about you, I just can't.

Karma?.............................yes, you may say

Anyway

LABS PROJECT 2010 is COMING AHEAD

Go get yourself ready guys!! Cause we'll hit the earth :)

Grab your Labs Project PRE-EVENT ticket, starting from now. Don't miss us on 10th April 2010 ----

for more info : http://labsproject2010.blogspot.com

do you really think I'd give up that easily?

2010-03-22T18:15:00.000-07:00

-------------------Because sometimes people do actually feel that way. Sometimes your life feels like it's caving on you. Sometimes people relly do feel like they don't want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. Saying "I don't want to exist" isn't saying "I want to go die". It's saying "I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel." I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And if you don't know how it feels to feel this way, then you have no place to judge anyone who does.-----------------

i wish i never fall for you

2010-03-15T06:41:00.001-07:00

Can I call it moving on ?

2010-03-05T17:19:00.000-08:00

This is such an insanity. You are insane. I am so stupid to got trapped in your whole world of insanity. No matter how hard I try to pull myself over you, I just can't. It seems so...hard.
Hard is undefinable. Mark my last word. It's harder than you all know. So, please. Stop giving a shit for what I am doing right know. Stop talking and acting like you can do it in a blink of an eye. I'm making my own progress and since you don't even know me at all lately, stop acting like a total bitch which is irritating me out. You don't even know what I've been through. You don't know how different this one with the others.
So sorry, blame my teenage hormones. I've been acting so weird for these last 4 months. And I'm blaming myself for doing that. I mean, it's fucking 4 months for God's sake! I must be left out a lot of things. Sometimes I kinda wondering. Why should we involve ourselves into love? Into a love with some random guys who simply worthless. But everything was so perfect back then. I can't believe that he's one of those random jerky guys. He is different. Well yeah, he WAS. By the time I know the real him, I realized that I'm making the biggest mistake of my entire existence. Please.. tell me this isn't happening. What am I going to do? I can't think straight.

I want to blame someone. For not stopping me for doing this dumb creepy thing. But I know it's no ones fault. They even warned me, not to involve myself to him. They knew him even better. Than my stupid heart has known. Blame me then.

I had the sudden feeling that I am in hell. All of my dream about it are now fast disappearing before I have managed myself to grasp its meaning. How could I? Leave everything behind in order to be with him? And I trusted him. Totally and utterly. Like a stupid gullible fool. I want to shoot myself for being so rubbish.

Another way, but I don't know any other way. I feel like the light's gone out and I'm feeling my way forward, one step at a time. All I know is I can't go back to who I was. I don't know who I am, or what my goal is..or where I'm heading in life. Everything is so blur that I barely can't recognize myself anymore.

It's fine. Really. I keep convincing myself that it's perfectly fine and everything is simply gonna be alright. Some things happen. And some things don't. And this one, the one that I've been struggle for the last 4 months obviously just isn't mean to be. Except deep down.. I still believe it is. Well so sorry then, I never good at reading signs. You should tell me from the very very beginning, stop giving signs cause I'm not giving any shit for it.

Maybe I should forgive him? Everyone makes mistakes after all, and it doesn't necessarily make them a bad person. But, forgiving him means trusting the fact that we're friend and not even mean to be more than that. Pretty scary fact. I'm totally lost for words.

But I only live once. Why don't enjoy it? Maybe I am not quite as over him as I'd hoped. But I can catch some fun while progressing myself to moving on, right? I am starting to adapt to my own mistakes. Life is too short to hang around. And there's nothing more in this world that I like more than spending times with my girls. Having fun on the go. Have a fantastic day people!!

I don't want a musician, I'd prefer football player

2010-02-26T05:51:00.000-08:00

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only.
She loved before and she may love again.
But if she loves you now, what else matters?
She’s not perfect, you aren’t either,
and the two of you may never be perfect together
but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice,
and admit to being human and making mistakes,
hold onto her and give her the most you can.
She may not be thinking about you
every second of the day, but she will give you a part of
her that she knows you can break her heart.
So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze
and don’t expect more then she can give.
Smile when she makes you happy,
let her know when she makes you mad,
and miss her when shes not there."

-Bob Marley

Cinta Hijau, we are the next movie star :p

2010-02-22T16:30:00.000-08:00

Sooooo my life has been pretty hectic lately. And so much like a disaster. Sometimes I just wanna close my eyes and wish it will never open for the rest of my life. I simply can't stand it. But I know, this all are just the beginning. Some kind of lousy life's waiting for me in the middle of my journey. And I can't giving up yet. I should fight harder. Perhaps by doing that I'll find the real meaning of life.

Anyway, love sucks he-eh? Remember this one thing : NEVER . NEVER . EVER . Give your entire life to someone you think your only one. Because you don't know what your future look like. Everything can be happen in a second. And no one can guarantee that the one you think your only one is the real one or not. Be careful darling. Love is full of trap. Watch your step or you'll fall into the ground. Well, once you fall into the ground it really won't be easy to climbing upside. Trust me. It happened to me once. I'm on the ground now and climbing isn't that easy. I'll try harder, just wish for my happiness people and remember what I've said about love. Love sucks, he-eh?

But I do love to going to school despite the fact of waking up so early in the morning. But it's okay, happiness is a fair payback. Well, we've got a lot of assignment on every subject. And for me, this one was quite fantastic. We were doing some drama! We made the whole plot story by ourself and performed it in front of our classmates. Fun though.

Our drama titled "Cinta Hijau", adapted from Shrek and Rapunzel stories mixed all together. I was having so much fun while we planning for our performance. Since I've got my superb fun group, my drama wasn't boring at all. Well, at least the rehearsal was putting a lot of happiness to me.

Let me introduced you to all of our actor :)

The one with green paint all over his face is Bima as Shrek.
The other with a crown is Henry as The King and Dragon for addition.
That one who using eyeglasses is Aryo as The Prince Charming.
The one with black hoddie is Gerarld as the second Shrek who'd transformed from the ugly with green skin into the cute one.

The girl with a cute white ears is Dida as the Donkey and Horse.
The one who using black dress is Caca as the Evil Queen.
Another girl who using turquoise dress is Nani as Princess Pandora.
And the one who using veil with a weird long pashmina which had transformed into a very very long hair is me as the Princess, the Moslem Princess tee-hee.

Our drama has brought nothing but happiness. I'm so glad we've done it well. Not so well since Aryo got dengue fever, but pretty good for amateurs like us.

The ending was happy and I really am glad.
Stay Cintjau :D

a Surprise is such an unforgettable memory

2010-02-19T16:44:00.000-08:00

My superb dupers best friend was having her 17 birthday last week. It's pretty exciting know all your friends is going 17, which means they're one step ahead to be more mature and a bright future is waiting for them. I feel thankful for them. Nothing can be more fun than knowing the fact that your friends are gonna have their favorite future.

So, let our surprise open the gate for their wonderful future :)

This best friend of mine named Febby Amalia and I've known her for 8 years. Eight fvcking years. Weheeeew I can't even believe myself for keeping this friendship for this long. I mean, I'm not that nice girl who having a bunch of friend because of my kindness. Febby must be extra though for having such a not-so-fine and arrogant friend like me :D

Her birthday was February 11th, and it was Thursday. I was pretty busy doing Saman thingy because our Danzatrice were going to have our saman competition on Friday which is only one day left before the big day. But I really can't miss Febby's birthday surprise.So I decided to rehearsal once and then Ciao to Febby's crib. Blame me for my business dear oh my dear. While I was doing my rehearsal, Mila, Marsha and Sarah were waiting for me to finish it ASAP. And without any words and just look at their face, I knew that they weren't good at all. And with Rere and her anger, everything seemed so far from fine.

Well but by the time Mila, Marsha ,Sarah and I arrived at Febby's, Rere and Ishna told us that Febby was doing some homework with her classmates which means we really had to wait for her to finish her homework first. We went to her room and no need a second we turned her neat room into a total mess. Don't blame us dear, we were mad of starvation. But thank God we saved by the knock!! Her maid brought us 2 pan of pizza ++ 3 pack of garlic bread ++ drinks , we were beyond heaven!!

And Instead of giving her a birthday cake we'd prefer giving her birthday fried chiken

And you know what? Our surprise was a total success!! We weren't waiting in vain and we even made her cry! Well crying was expected and we knew from the very very start that she's gonna cry. But really, once again, that night was beyond heaven. And he fact that the one that I love in the whole world PING!! me was making that night even greater.

Go get your wonderful future Bos Acong!! We are here, whenever you need us :)

2010-02-12T18:05:00.000-08:00

Blackberry Messenger...is not that fun. Really. I'd prefer Windows Live Messenger much more. But what can I do now? Since he have my pin he never pop himself out on the wlm line. It is pretty devastating.

I kinda wondering, should I delete his pin instead of waiting for him to Ping!! me? But, what if he think I don't like him anymore if I delete his pin? No no no I can't.

Okay then, D-1 for the deadline, bye

by the way, I keep on hoping. For something that simply impossible. But please God, let me get what I want.

Watch Out!

2010-02-05T02:45:00.000-08:00

Soooooo..... this year, this 2010, is our year. A year for 1993. A year for us to become 17. And a beginning for us to be a grown-ups.

And for now, it's the next-super-model turn, Maharani Vicka.

This sexy girl above is my wanna-be-Victoria Secret's Angel-friend. Trust me, she's beyond sexy.

And that woman with black dress is her mom. They look pretty look-a-like. And her mom is still young and miraculously attractive. And she's just like her mom.

Our beloved Danzatrice07. It was bad that Cassandra, Lulu, Nadya, Tika, Nane, Ajeng, and Lea couldn't come :(

XDelivery YEAY!! I kinda proud of my successful persuasive to those boys. See? They did come tee-hee

The Birthday Girl and I

I don;t know why, but I simply like this picture :)

Anyway Din, no matter what you do and gonna happen next, I'll always pray for you. So that you will find the best for everything. And may you get a bunch of happiness for the rest of your life.

WATCH OUT, BITCHES!!!!
The Next Super Model is on her way

I'm trying to

2010-02-05T02:16:00.000-08:00

Forgetfulness is beyond sucks

2010-01-26T04:01:00.000-08:00

I have to admit .
It was all my fault .
Blame me for being so forgetful .
Blame my stupid brain-dead .
Blame those silly activities .
Blame my reckless decision for doing those activities that making me keep busy .
And now I can't even get myself to focus on my apologize .
What Should I Do ?

P L E A S E

p.s : you know it's for you..........

I'm almost there and now I'm Stuck

2010-01-22T16:39:00.000-08:00

Stop . Being . So . Rude .
Please ?
You're the one that I love in the whole world
Dont you realize that ?
I . Need . You .
to entertain me
I . W A N T . You
to be mine
kinda selfish, I know
But, I simply can't handle this awkward feeling
And the way we ignore each other
It . Hurts . Me . Deeply .
Don't you see ?
My time . is all . for You
Loving's fun . Waiting's suck
2 5 3
you're my eleven you're the reason for everything
for my stupidity
And yes
After all those creepy things you've done to me
I Still . Madly Deeply Stupidly
In Love With You
this uncertainty -
is killing me inside ,slowly but sure
Stop . Doing . Whatever .You're doing . Right now
MAN
it's helpless
I'm tired
and curious
but still ,you look super cute when you laugh
And I can't stand myself not to look at you
And the rushy feelings when I see you coming
is Terrible
I shouldn't act like that
and
you shouldn't act like that
and
we shouldn't act like that

Just simply
tell me
What . Do .You . Want
???
my future is coming up
Hurry . Dear . A
mi 253 amigo

2010-01-16T22:03:00.000-08:00

I'd love to take a lot of quiz and curious to see the result, that's why I took another personality quiz. And this one is pretty fine. Except the last two sentences. Curious on yours? Click me!

This is my result :D

You are Gold Pegasus, who is extremely cheerful and seems like a very open person.
You can show consideration to others, and have a good sense of humor.
You are also a person who doesn't want to loose.
However, you can be very temperamental, and can suddenly become optimistic, and next minute you are very pessimistic.
You look for fancy atmosphere in daily life, but you know that is only to cover up for your own dissatisfaction and discontent.
You possess unworldly bilateral character.
You have very unique personality, and people who like you and those who don't are clearly divided.
You tend to be audacious, but you must be careful when you use it.
Because Gold Pegasus people tend to be divided into those who exhibit great talent and those who can go stray from the right path.
Unlike your confident attitude, you are rather too nervous, sensitive and can easily change or give up your objectives.
Your natural instinct is fabulous, and you have a passionate personality.
You tend to lead life with lots of emotional ups and downs.
You dislike being restricted, and prefer to enjoy freedom, and this will not change even after you get married.
Therefore there is a chance of you getting divorced.

Life's Fact

2010-01-16T21:39:00.000-08:00

This is a bit relieving :)

At least 5 people in this world, love you so much they would die for you
At least 15 people in this world love you, in some way.
The only reason everyone would ever hate you, is because they want to be just like you.
A smile from you, can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.
Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
You mean the world to someone.
Without you, someone may not be living.
You are special and unique, in your own way.
Someone that you don’t know even exists, loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look, you most likely turned your back on the world.
When you think you have no chance at getting what you want, you probably won’t get it, but if you believe in yourself, you probably sooner or later will get it.
Always tell someone how you feel about them, you will fell much better when they know and in the end you’ll be glad you did.
Always remember complements you received, forget about the rude remarks. You will go through this life peacefully without grudge.

(via : littlemiss)

fuckin holy day

2010-01-03T01:00:00.000-08:00

I don't get it, why everybody call this 2 weeks of bullshit as a holiday. It's not holiday. It's not even holy day. Every thing's fucked up here. I didn't get anything unless this fucking eyesore.

At first, my eyes looked like this. I went to doctor but what a shame! Pops didn't tell me the fact that I've got an allergic with some antibiotic. And everything was getting worse because the doctor just gave me that antibiotic. The one that gave nothing but more worse eyesore. Grrrr I got so angry that I can't say anything or even cry. My eyes were damn hurt. This one under is the picture of my worsen eyes. Take a zip !

By the time I took this picture I got so shock! I can't believe it got worse. I mean...we've gone to doctor and doctor supposed to make something sick something sore getting better, right? Healthier.... not worsen. I was so panic. So did my dad. I finally got back to he doctor and asked for what happened. In the end, the doctor gave me another fucking medicine. uh not another, but others! Yes with S !!!! 3 more medicines, which I have to take everyday after meal. Goodbye slim welcome fat........

But anyway, my eyes has been getting better now. Perhaps that's because of the new antibiotic. The new-non-allergic-making-antibiotic :)
I feel terribly relieved.

But still, I need to take 2 days off to school. That's horrible. Because my holiday is lousy enough without my eyesore problem. And the only thing that I've been waiting for is just school times! I do really can't wait to wrap my body up into my school's uniform, bring a bunch of 11th-grade-books, and go get myself to school to meet alot of my friends, my superb crazy friends and of course......him. The love of my life tee-hee. That must be so exciting!!! I'd prefer doing some task instead of lying on my bed and doing nothing. Please please please get better my lovely eyes, so that you can be able to meet your eye-friends and your eye-love hihihi

AND P.S : Labs Project 2010 on the go !!!!!!

2010-01-02T23:06:00.001-08:00

I love you and yes it's true.
You should believe me. I've told you from the very very beginning. You should warn me. You've known my feelings from the very very beginning. You should not being so nice to me. I've put too much hope from the very very beginning. You should not play on me. You've been so ggod at entertaining. You should not questioning my feelings. We've been friend for like 11 years. And from the first time of my life, I'm in love with someone this deep. Will you get over me? Cause I don't want it happen, just like the way I won't ever get this feelings over, over you.

Te Amo, Amigo :')

a night ,wonderful

2009-12-22T23:53:00.001-08:00

Last weekend I was having a barbeque's party at Gokong's. Well, for a little frank I surprised he didn't mind to host the party. He provided all of the food, which was a lot--really I can't even believe my eyes when I saw those bunch of meat, ham, and sausages. He must be really looking forward for this party, because he even played some music and snack. Weew he's not usually like this. But, knowing about all of his treat, I feel relieved :)

The party went very well. If you were in that party, I'm sure you prefer to ask for a sleepover instead of going home. The atmosphere was so.......warm. Felt more like home than my own home. At that time, I realised that this is where I belonged to. This is my sanctuary. And I feel a ridiculous rush of joy by the time I realised it. Every minute is another minute of happiness. It was all so perfect as it is. The adrenaline was catching and all I want to do is to stop the time, which is an absolute impossible.

So here they are, my Sanctuary. Out of the box, aren't we?

At this time, we're family

Can you read those letters? hihi well they were actually teasing me about someone, let's just hope the best for me ! (blush all over my cheek)

We were having so much fun and It was all addicting

Gokong --the host-- and I ,we're on our way to catch our dream :p

Photo of me :)

Thanks God it's XDelivery !!!!

my kind of business

2009-12-17T05:07:00.000-08:00

So, Saman has been killing my spare time lately. But somehow I like it. From the 5th place now we'd already on the 1st place. First winner in Blasting Dance Competition. Let's hope for something more, we're on our way straight to December 20th. The big day is about to come. Can't wait to see the result :')

**Anyway the photo above had taken from my junior's Tumblr : Difa Aressa, she's good at photography. I'm not the one who said it, cause in fact I uploaded that photo into facebook and all of my friends like it. Keep your photography skill, dear!

2009-12-09T06:01:00.000-08:00

I've done a bunch of bloody bad things in the past. Is that mean I deserve to be hurt? But life has been pretty easy and fun and full of joy lately. Loads of laughter and current love and etc etc I can't even close my mouth and make it stop smiling

Well okay, it WAS.....................................so fine

Everything was perfectly fine before someone..yes that one..you..waltzing into my life again. I don't want to be with you, I don't want you to get hurt by putting too much of your hope on me. How can you possibly couldn't get it? It's all for you, not for me. We've been a really good friend for more than a year, why don't we keep it as we used to be then? It was way more comforting than you --with your rushy feelings-- trying to get back with me. I really don't want that. I'd love to be your friend, your best friend. So please......let me be.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And for another you --the one that I love in the whole world--, how's your life back then? Pretty upside down, huh? As upside down as mine. We were having so much fun, don't let it stop please. I love you, yes I really do. Would you mind to give me a chance to dig into your soul and find that you have the same feeling too? Text me, I'll reply. I WILL. You shouldn't ask for my number if you don't need it. You shouldn't save it if you don't use it. Stop being very secretive about your life and feelings. Please start telling someone about it so that it wouldn't be so confusing anymore. If you don't want to be with me, stop being so nice to me. It'd given too much hope, don't you understand?

It might be cliche, a total cliche, but do you know what? There's never been a day that has gone by when I haven't thought about you. And wondered "what if........................". I barely can sleep. My sleep is uneasy and haunted by our talked, which seem to be echoing round and round my dreams until I'd woken with a pounding heart.

Haven't you forgive me for moving on? I really am sorry but you were so slow like a snail and I simply couldn't stand that. But I do regret it. I regret it so much til I can't even forgive myself for letting you down and sad and hurt. I'm sorry for what happened between us. I knew that saying I'm sorry won't make everything better nor even change everything, but would you please give me a second chance? And don't pretend there's nothing, cause I know you

It is time to stop running the way I'd run away before. It's time to stuck around and try harder to be more, to impress you and to make you feel the butterflies when you look at me. I'll do everything for it.

Well, it's a whirlwind life, but I love not knowing what's coming from one day to the next. Let's just hope something good for everything :')

2009-12-05T02:12:00.000-08:00

It was too much for a coincidence, but now it's hardly seems real.
You're suffocating me, don't you know that? For now ,let me close my eyes and enjoy your warmth :)

HUBBY !!

2009-11-28T16:37:00.000-08:00

this is where my heart landed ,and since he has turned into a grown up --there's no reason for him not to marry me HAHA

is it personal ?

2009-11-27T17:26:00.000-08:00

I just took a psychology quiz from facebook ,and this is the result :

Dear Lathiifa Hendy, berikut ini adalah hasil Test psikologi situasi kamu:

1* kamu orang yang suka menyimpan segalanya untuk diri sendiri
2* kamu agak pemilih soal teman dan hanya berteman dengan mereka yang selevel dengan kamu
3* apa yang kamu inginkan dal...am hidupmu cuma setengah terpenuhi
4* kamu lemah dalam hidup ini dan cenderung rapuh
5* kamu memiliki gairah seks tinggi!!! Tidak bisa hidup tanpa seks...
6* kamu punya sedikit teman baik dalam hidupmu
7* hubungan terakhir kamu tidak baik dan tidak kamu ingat dalam memorimu
8* ketika pasanganmu di dekat kamu, kamu akan melirik yang lain
9* ketika pasangan kamu tidak ada, kamu masih akan melirik yang lain
10* ego kamu rata-rata
11* kepribadianmu rendah hati
12* ikatan dengan tidak teman-temanmu tidak begitu kuat/sedang-sedang aja
13* kamu benar-benar suka/mencintai pasanganmu
14* pasanganmu type rumahan dan orang yang sederhana
15* kamu akan mencari pasanganmu kapanpun kamu ketemu masalah.

Umm for me the result is pretty bad ,but it is so me haha .I feel bad about number 3 &4 .But number 5 is so EEEEEEWWWWW I hate it when it comes to sex thingy .It disgust me a lot .And number 7 &8 ashamed me ,but I have to admit that sometimes it's true .I like some random cute boys easily .Poor me hu-uh .And number 15..............no words left

I left the link of the quiz ,in case you guys wanna try .Just click the "Test psikologi situasi" above my result .Have fun :)

17 means adolescence

2009-11-27T16:33:00.001-08:00

This is my super best friend ,Karmila Syandhika Motik Adisuryo .And since November 16th 2009 she has became a grown up .Keep your spirit alive mil! May you have a stunning year :')

Acongs Kingdom is right behind you ,dear !

It was a mafia party .But pardon me for not became so mafia

Another friend of mine ,Novica Astria was having her sweet 17 birthday surprise

Cellesht --the planner (- vica shafa mia sacha arin)

those balloons were so cute and schweet :')

**You both are gonna be so wonderful ,keep it up guys

(all of those photos had taken from Febriena Amalia's and Lintang Sekartaloen's facebook)
-and so sorry for the very low quality images ,I don't know how to change it into a better one without making it blur -.-

Meet my Indonesia !!

2009-11-19T03:55:00.000-08:00

6day of unforgettable moment in my entire life --study tour

It introduced me to the other face of Indonesia ,which is hardly see by others .Only with a super wide opened-heart can realise and enjoy every moment with it .I am so lucky .I'm afraid someone will soon invent time machine ,cause I don't want to repeat this moment over and over again .That kind of thing will makes the precious moment becoming less precious

the forgotten beauty of Indonesia

this is where the fun leaded

abit part of science class 2009/2010

the team ,my team

as the ending come ,rafting is the best pain killer

a candid of me

(all of these photos had taken from some random facebook of my friends and got some edit)

(Y)

2009-11-06T04:18:00.000-08:00

Girl: Your new girlfriend is pretty. (I bet she stole your heart)
Boy: yeah, she is. (But you’re still the most beautiful girl I know)
Girl: I heard she’s funny & amazing. (All the stuff I wasn’t)
Boy: She sure is. (But she’s nothing compared to you)
Girl: I bet you know everything about her by now (Like how you knew just about everything about me)
Boy: Only the stuff that count (I can’t even remember the stuff she tells me when I think of you)
Girl: Well, I hope you guys last. (Because we never did)
Boy: I hope we do too. (Whatever happened to me & you?)
Girl: Well I got to go. (Before I start to cry)
Boy: Yeah me too. (I hope you don’t cry)
Girl: Bye. (I still love you)
Boy: Later. (I never stopped)

(via: bloodonmyshoes )

--this is so schweet that I can barely resist :')

2009-11-05T04:26:00.000-08:00

what if you can't feel anything fun anymore ?will it affects your life ?and your future ?
what if you can't stop complaining ?will it makes you losing friends ?and people around you ?
what if you can't deal with life anymore ?will it makes you fall hard ?and break your entire body ?
or
what if someone ripped your heart ?will it makes you lose your whole feelings ?and your sensitivity ?
what if something smashed you so hard until you can't breath anymore ?will it breaks your lungs ?and split your whole body up into pieces ?
what if something punch you right on the face ?will you wake up ?and realize that there's still another opportunities waiting for you to take ?

--somebody please answer ,cause I seriously don't know

XDelivery

2009-11-02T04:45:00.000-08:00

I Miss You Guys Indeed --our-- fun laughter stupidity happiness lovebird gossip(s) holiday chat compromy footsie two-faces cheat exam seat new class food delivery chef christian mr.sanin photos 10grade-subjects solidarity absent mock bullshit dreams silly-pictures dancer disco-class tears :(

{Melompat Lebih Tinggi - Sheila on 7 }

2009-10-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

by you ,Tenerdtara --

is it ♥ ?

2009-10-31T04:27:00.000-07:00

"For me ,true love is the sweetest thing in life. That's why we're all either in love or looking for love. Sometimes you have to work for it--especially when life gets in the way-- but I believe true ,deep love is always worth fighting for"

Fellas ,how's love treat you lately ?Mine was pretty......hectic. Well, sometimes I feel kinda silly for being in love . But, hey do you guys think this one is true ? I feel slightly shaky to tell the truth, I'm afraid to be in love. I'm afraid to get lift too up and then get push hardly to the ground. I don't want that. Call me coward ,yes I am. But I'm afraid truly afraid. What if he's not the one? What if I did choose the wrong person.....? Again

A cold feeling begins to creep over me, this is all wrong. I've been completely uncool, but somehow I just don't care. There's a pain growing inside my chest. I swallow hard. Can anybody tell me the characteristic of true love? Does it shining? Does it warm? Does it make you feel protected? Does it allow to to be happy for every little time in your life? or.....Does it hurt? Does it make you trapped into it and get stucked? Does it make you regretted it? It's become more confusing by the way. I feel weary and miserable

I believe in love, I mean.... I'm trying to believe it. But, how can I believe that something like love can bring us into happiness while still there are errors in it.I don't know if it makes me a bad person or whatever, but I can't pretend for more. It's kinda shameful, you know

Everyone's moving on without me, into the world I don't understand

p.s : Caca ,a friend of mine doesn't like the way I write my blog by giving space before the dot, so I changed into normal. A space after the dot --blahblah whatever just enjoy :)

it isn't enough ,shut it up

2009-10-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

Superb fine holiday is about to passed .I just realized that 6days holiday aren't enough for lazy super lazy girl like me .But you guys must have the same idea as mine ,aye ?6 days of holiday and 5 days out of my fucking home ,how relieving :)

1st day : trapped and stucked on my laptop ,tumblr --blog --youtube --twitter >what a gloomy future I might have.......

2nd day : Saman competition at 68 //Bazkom >we were performing our dance at 8pm ,tiring tiring tiring --well ,at least I got my takoyaki which is always be my favorite food .Japanese food are awesome !!minus the teppanyaki

3rd day : Danzatice's first job !At Balai Samudra >kinda awful but since it was our first time none of you can't blame us for our state of anxiety ,aye ?And I was having my dinner at Sumo Sushi .Have I mention that Japanese food are great ?Oh of course I have .I enjoyed the Salmon Kremes so much and wrapped away 3 packs of it :p

4th day : Rere's birthday !!!!! we --Ishna ,Marsha ,Febby ,Sarah ,Mila excluding Nani because she was having a serious fever ,wishing for her recovery-- went to her home and gave her a surprise :) >KTP Acongs Kingdom and cool brown heels for such a tomboy girl like her as a presents .And Kak Adil--Rere's bf-- accompanied us and gave her a delicious and full of fat chocolate cake ++a present that we didn't know because he forbided her to open the present while we still there :(

5th day : trapped again in cyber world while I suddenly craved for so much food s and snacks >Gee...I feel sorry for my fat for my stubborn appetite >I was on LIA for about 2 hours and didn't get anything important unless the super boring movie about 'face-to-face' contact

6th day : went to Tya's to study trigonometry >Mrs. Rina --which is absolutely the worst math teacher in the entire Labschool-- said that we will have a post-test by the time we go back to school .Darn ,it's not like she can teach us greatly !Why then she think we can go through her fucking test ??!!! !#!!@$@#$!$!$!$!$#$#$#$!

All right ,as the last day of my heavenly-holiday ,I want to spend my time wisely .For God's sake ,it is 6 days already !!How can time passes this fast ??It is positively UNFAIR !!!

Currently --
reading : The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic -Sophie Kinsella
listening : Le Tigre - Deceptacion
doing : chatting and some blogwalking
crush : Thomas Andrew Felton ,as always and DANZATRICE07
hate : school >all of its subjects ,especially the science one
want : Blackberry ,silly hu uh ?well ,since my first and last blackberry had confiscated by Pops ,I think I deserve for the new one :)

Have a good day fellas ,may God bless your entire awesome week !

Our first Job :)

2009-10-24T18:14:00.001-07:00

Yesterday morning was kinda boring ,nothing to do nowhere to go .Just trapped and stucked with my laptop and enjoying tumblr .Currently ,I really am in love with tumblr ,pretty interesting .And as the others say ,never get boring with picture .Less talk capture more :)
It will be so much welcome if you mind to visit my tumblr : A Pocketful of Sunshine and if you don't mind to follow my twitter : Lathifuuu .May you all enjoy a bit part of my ugly life

But fortunately ,Danzatrice07 had brought so much fun for the boring me yesterday .It was our first job that held in Balai Samudra as the......entertainer ?Well Iffa's relative was having a wedding ,so her family asked us to entertain the guest by performing Saman Dance because her family is an Acehnese .What a lovely coincident !

We were using more make up than usual and with an addition shawl which made us look soooooo cute and cute and I don't know how to describe but I like the shawl !We're not only as the entertainer but also as the bridesmaid ,that's Uni and Bang Taufik taught us how to enter and walk and accompany the newlywed to the dais on which the bridal couple sits.

Our performance wasn't good .At the end of the dance ,the music suddenly became weird and we were all becoming nervous .I even stopped for a few second before continued the dance .Man ,I feel so stupid .Literally ,it wasn't our fault that the music became weird .We gave our best shot and tried to make no mistake .But perhaps ,that just wasn't good enough .I really am feeling sorry for Iffa and her family :(

*Danzatrice07 -Iffa ,the host

*Lulu ,the unpredictable guest ++supporter :)

*the true faces

*Dini aka kalip--kasur lipet always beautiful and sexy :p

*make-up by Uni

Anyway ,some rumour said that we won Saman Competition in Bazkom ,but only as the "Juara Harapan" .But I'm excited enough since we haven't won any competition either .For now I just will keep my finger crossed .Don't give too much hope ,cause it will give you too much pain while you fall

Pardon me

2009-10-21T20:10:00.001-07:00

For another corny thingy
I just can't make myself stop writing all of these nonsense stuff .At least it is better than wondering and imagining how my future would be

Well talking about future ,I used have a lot of dream to chase .But seems like none of them are right for me .Frankly..or should I say UNFORTUNATELY ,I don't have any talent or ability or something you might get to help you choose what kind of future that yours might be .Pathetic ,isn't it ?My past wasn't great either but surely it gave me more spirit to crawl up and find something beautiful about life while now it doesn't .I really am wanna give up instead of keep working hard for something I don't really know .Yes ,I am the chiken one ,the coward one .

I ain't afraid of difficulties .I'm afraid to choose one of my options which is very little .What if I chose the wrong one and the wrong option I chose bring me to pain and suffer ?And I don't want to end up regretting my choice .I don't want to regret my past in the future

My Dream Island

2009-10-21T19:32:00.000-07:00

And my favorite part is the JELLYBEANS-RAINBOW !!!!!how magical :')

he is positively my dad !!

2009-10-16T21:17:00.001-07:00

Look how close they are ,my incredible dad ,Johnny Depp and his daughter ,Lily-Rose .Whew that's means Lily-Rose is my sister ,isn't it ?It is a wonderful pleasure for me to having such a cute little sister like her .Wish they were my family :')

EFFING CUTE THEY BOTH CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE GEE LET ME BE HIS DAUGHTER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ,you don't mind....dear God ,do you ?

this time ,we chuckled

2009-10-16T02:32:00.000-07:00

Aye ,I'm done !!I'm done for good dear .At this time ,I better stop asking .I need to do something .Be more patient and......LAUGH .making more friends instead (I wish)

Wanna hear something funny ?There was an earthquake (again) when I'm busy writing on this post .And guess what ?I didn't even make any single move in case something bad happens .I just sited still and waited until the earthquake finished by itself .What a stupid things to do ?Another chuckled

Today was pretty boring .No thing so special unless a bit fun of writing an autobiography about Indonesia's poet.I'm curious about W.S Rendra and now I'm reading some of his poetry .It feels so amazing to found the fact that Indonesia had this such wonderful poet .And I feel sorry for his death ,we sure lost our mother country treasures .
This is one of my favorite part of his poetry ,titled "Puisi Doa di Jakarta"

"Malam rebah dalam udara yang kotor
Di manakah harapan akan dikaitkan
bila tipu daya telah menjadi seni kehidupan
Dendam diasah di kolong yang basah
siap untuk terseret dalam gelombang edan
Perkelahian dalam kehidupan sehari-hari
telah menjadi kewajaran
Pepatah dan petitih
tak akan menyelesaikan masalah
bagi hidup yang bosan,
terpenjara, tanpa jendela"

Magically wonderful ,his ability on stringing words up .Wish I can be like him :')

I got into a really terribly deep talk with Sarah today .And I feel indefinably relieved .Found that you're not alone is the best thing ever to live your life more up .In a lot of ways ,being on a problems is better than trap in your steady life .And thanks God ,for giving me such a lively problems to make my life even wonderful and to make me realise the fact that I'm being loved .

Never cry never again ,show your best teeth and LAUGH !!!

P.S : you are precisely an enormously stubborn in the ass ,but I love you

I better keep the dance stay alive

2009-10-09T18:11:00.000-07:00

Things aren't going well lately .October-September are pretty suck ,can't wait to go through over it .At this time ,feeling blue as usual ,struggling lying complaining asking about the unfair treatment of life .This isn't me .Who the heck I am then ?Enough for the frustration It isn't him ,it isn't her .How could I blame them then ?I shouldn't act like this .It hurt more than ever .None of my act lately seemed to be worth doing .Keeping all of this bullshits spinning around and juggling me out .Me myself cant even tell you what's going on .
I need to stop stalking her ,her ,and anyone stop stop stop .How can I find myself if I keep glancing up to somebody like that ?STOP STOOP STOOOP and it frighten me out .Frankly ,she has no face .No style .No brain .No body .No attitude .And she's not even famous .So what's wrong with me keep stalking her like she's the most important girl in the world ?What's on earth is going on with me lately ?????
I keep crying .He asked me to stop .He asked me to say everything I want .He asked me to stop .He said he'll do everything I want .He asked me to stop .He asked me to cry on his shoulder .He asked me to stop .He hugged me .He asked me to stop .He wrapped his hand on my neck .He asked me to stop .He wiped my tears off .He asked me to stop .He wiped my cheek .He asked me to stop .He asked me what's going on .He asked me to stop .He offered me a tissue .He asked me to stop .He kissed my cheek .He asked me to stop .He asked me to stop .And then he hugged me tautly .I was so stupid and dumb and fool and bitch and gloom
He is the best thing God had given to me .And all I have to do is to taking care of him .What makes it so hard then ?

I NEED TO BELIEVE ,EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING

Keep it up ,Summer !

2009-10-09T02:21:00.000-07:00

SUMMER; I love The Smiths.

TOM; Sorry?

SUMMER; I said I love The Smiths. You– you have a good taste in music.

TOM; You like The Smiths?

SUMMER; Yeah. “To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.” I love ‘em.

TOM; Holy.

Ja Ja ,ik weet het

2009-10-09T01:56:00.000-07:00

"It doesn't mean that you're never gonna get hurt. But I can guarantee you this : any pain that you feel, will never ever compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love. As someone who's felt a lot of both, trust me. Pain...beats regret every day of the week and twicw on Sunday. Don't run away. Don't do it"

An Item

2009-10-03T06:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our 1year and half anniversary ;) HA HA literally , Anggit gave me a pop-up book last month because he thought our 1year and half anniversary is last month !!how sssstupid .Things weren't going well last month .I even forgot our anniversary .That day ,I feel awkward .Something must be happened ,it was 31 and I just can't remember what's so special on 31 .Gee...I was so damned But now I feel a little bit relieved knowing that Anggit has miscounted our anniversary .He's not that good at number I knew ;p Okay .he gave me that magical pop-up book ,which makes me losing my self-esteem .The book is so marvelous ,I can't make gift as special as that .Then I decided to make a Free Coupon for him .If the pop-up book is belongs to Beast ,the Free Coupon i belongs to Belle then .Gotta show you later!

Cover of the marvelous pop-up book

This is where all the things started ,in front of Anya's Kebab ,Labschool
Anggit ,Marsha and I

we love to watching movies more than eating 3times a day

Junior ,Pluto and Handy--they are love of our life :D

I don't like using public transportation when I'm with him ,I prefer the Avanza :p

Food ,is the hardest temptation ever .For human with a bunch-of-fat like us

Our scrap book ,me writing he drawing .Such a perfect combination !!

At this time ,me became grumpy......until NOW

Another Impossibly Dream I Have --which already became his dream no longer after

Beautiful Hand-writing ,isn't it ? ;p

The Beast ,My Beast

**Isn't it magical ?The fact that I'm still with him after those tons of stupid fights-cries-pains oh la laaaaaaaaa it is soooooo.....bird ?Tee-hee**

Yesterday

2009-10-02T23:46:00.000-07:00

BEGAN WITH A FIGHT AND ENDED WITH ANOTHER BIG FIGHT

Batik ?UNESCO ?hari Batik nasional ?YAKIN ???

2009-10-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

Pertama maaf banget ya buat nulis gini ,sebenernya sih gaenak lahya sebagai salah satu orang Indonesia mestinya bangga dong sama desas desus menggembirakan yang bilang kalo UNESCO mau ngukuhin batik Indonesia .Tapi ada ngga sih yang sadar :

APANYA BATIK SIH YANG MAU DIKUKUHIN ?

BUKANNYA MALAYSIA UDAH MATENIN BATIK JADI MILIK DIA ?

EMANG INDONESIA UDAH MATENIN BATIKNYA SENDIRI ?

Gue udah search di Google .Dan setelah dibaca lebih dalem ,ternyata UNESCO bukannya mau ngukuhin batik jadi punya Indonesia .Tapi mengkukuhkan batik Indonesia pada daftar representatif (representatif list) UNESCO mengenai Budaya Tak Benda Warisan Manusia (Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity) .Ada yang sadar ?Jadi bukan batiknya yang dikukuhin ,tapi seni dari bikin batik tulis itu sendiri yang mana emang cuma Indonesia yang bisa bikin gitu dan BAGUS BANGET .

Jujur jadi bingung .Jadi pikiran orang-orang salah ?Kalo beneran gitu jujur lagi gue malu .Bukannya berjuang buat matenin BATIK INDONESIA ,malah bersorak sorai buat hal bodoh tanpa nyari tau tentang hal tersebut lebih jelas .Ngga apa-apa juga sih tanggal 2 Oktober dijadiin Hari Batik Nasional .Cuman yaaaah ,sayang aja .Banyak orang yang ngga tau dan ngerasa bangga mendadak langsung ,padahal mereka salah pengertian .Bangga iyalah !Malaysia yang udah matenin batik aja ngga dianggep kan sama UNESCO .Tapi tetep aja agak malu ,kok kayaknya heboh banget ya padahal mungkin dunia lagi ngetawain kita kali kalo mereka ngebaca Trending Topics di Twitter .

Maaf kalo post yang ini agak menyinggung .Atau malah gue yang salah ?Ngga ada maksud jahat ngejelek-jelekin bangsa sendiri kok .Tapi mending dikasih tau daripada disimpen sendiri kan ?

never mind

2009-09-30T07:11:00.000-07:00

I thought you were real ,I thought you lift me up ,I thought you completed me

but now I'm questioning it

Will it annoys one of us to see the other ?

future ghost

2009-09-30T04:25:00.000-07:00

the woman with white outfit is the future ghost from Girlfriends Ghost from Past movies .I adore her .Her name is Olga Maliouk and she's actually a model

but I am awful

2009-09-30T04:15:00.001-07:00

it's a lil bit grey

2009-09-30T03:44:00.000-07:00

I miss Ramadhan and its holiday ,yes I do I really do .I had a lot of fun while fasting ,okay it wasn't fun .It was boring .But it's okay ,I mean who cares about the fasting itself while you already got the superb fun fasting break ?D'oh can't wait for the next Ramadhan :D

Danzatrice's

Acong Kingdom's

XDelivery's (apparently the boys were outside)

trying Athmosfear for the first time ;p

it's buzzing

2009-09-30T03:40:00.000-07:00

if there's no sunshine ,better use fireflies

wrapped up ?

2009-09-21T02:45:00.000-07:00

I may be different
I ain't like the other girls
I may mock you a lot
I may don't like testing
I may don't remember important dates
I may sleep early
I may angry easily
I may have no surprises to give
I may be too busy
I may be rude
I may make you talking monologue
I may can't stop tweeting
I may make you do what i want
I may make you do what you don't want to
I may ask for a lot
I may be inpatient
I may can't no longer shut my mouth
I may have more than thousand impossible dreams to catch for
I may have dozen of revenges
I may swear a lot
I may can't keep my promises
I may saying the words I shouldn't say to you

But life aren't suppose to be as sweet as sugar ,right ?Even a love can be bitter

Well ,I'm pretty sucked here .Lot of things to say ,but seems like my mouth can't spill it out for you .I'm keeping it ,those nonsense stuff inside my unpredictable brain .I wish i had a pensive .So that I shouldn't say any words to explain what i mean .So that you can see by yourself ,those proof of my stupidity .Those silly things I've done that made you feeling hectic .So you'll know that I care about you...more than anyone could .Blame me for my inability to show you every reason of my actions .Blame me for my rushy feeling .Blame me because you'll never understand what I mean .

For your info dear....It tortures me..a LOT ,for keeping those reasons that you might never know .For hurting and making you mad .For making you questioning my feeling to you .

I want to change
to be your dream girlfriend
the one that can make you proud being with me
the one that can comfort you
the one that can make you feeling loved
It is true
I really want to
But....

H O W ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

How can I hurt my awesome talking partner that can keep me talking for hour and hour ?How can I hurt my guardian angel that always protects me from the devilish world ?How can I hurt my enlighten story-teller that stand by every night to tell me his own-made bedtime stories ?How can I hurt someone that almost sacrifice everything for me ?

Now I'm feeling drowsy .Drown me to lake ,drag me to hell ,stab me on the chest ,do whatever you like .Love can be so much guilty .

P.S : for every rude things I've done and will do ,read this .cause my zippy mode aways turn itself on without any permission from me